Streamlined Toddler Tips, Systems, and Schedules

Streamlined Toddler Tips, Systems, and Schedules

Over the past year and a half of child-raising, we’ve learned a ton. While we are by no means experts in child psychology or education or let’s be frank, children in general, we’ve found some systems that work for us. These systems allow us to work from home with our child without outside help (yes, that means no nanny, no day care) and still feel like we’re giving him the attention, and ourselves the space, we need to function as a happy family.

Of course, this won’t work for every family, or for every child. We have days it doesn’t work perfectly either. What we do know is every time we take our kid out in public, people comment on how happy he is. When we talk to family about what he’s up to that day they want to know exactly how we have managed to get the boy on a well-regulated schedule at one and a half.

Per usual, our response is : we did a lot of reading, a lot of research, and as people who have a lot to get done…we tried to make it into a repeatable system.

Does the boy have days where the schedule goes a bit off the rails? Yes. Because he is a child and has no sense of logic or reasoning. There are days he’s teething and he has a hard time spending time in his playpen alone for an hour. And that’s okay! Because the next day, or the next hour, we just see if we can get back on schedule. Nothing is a win or a loss if a day doesn’t go perfectly to plan. It simply resets with the goal of getting back to the schedule as soon as possible.

Creating a Schedule:

Based on what I’ve read and experienced, kids around this age love, thrive, and need a schedule. When they know what to expect it helps create controlled boundaries and helps them feel ‘correct’ or like they’re ‘winning’. Part of a behavior struggle seems to occur when a kid feels frustrated they can’t do everything everyone else is doing. They’re not big enough or able to do most of every day things, so learning a routine helps them feel like they are like everyone else. When they feel like they win, they’re more willing to follow along with a few of your asks. It’s trial and error to figure out a schedule that works for you based on what you need to accomplish each day, and what your kid needs to be their best self.

For us, it’s a blend of active outdoor time, self play time inside and outside, naps, snacks, active time inside with a parent, and a little downtime with watching a show like Waffles and Mochi (it’s like the Muppets but with food and Michelle Obama).

During transition time periods, we cook or clean together, or even do a little work that doesn’t require concentration on our part.

What we know is if he’s having a hard day due to teething, or maybe waking up a little earlier, we know how to redirect during the next block of time.

At this phase, he plays by himself for two hours in his playpen every day. He walks himself into the playpen and shuts the door both times, 9/10 times without pushback. It’s possible. Here’s how we do it:

Wake Windows:

We base our schedule off the concept of ‘wake windows’ for age. You can look up these tables and see an estimation of how many hours of being awake a child of a specific age has before they either need to nap or go to sleep for the night. Right now, we have about a 5-6 hour wake window period with one nap mid-morning.

Morning Wakeup/Bedtime Routines:

We believe in creating moments of learning patience. So even if he’s awake and chatting to himself, we don’t go get him immediately. From the start, we’ve always used the French ‘wait and see’ method before responding to crying when he was an infant (just a few minutes at a time). Hopefully, as he gets older and sleeping in an older kid bed, this means he’ll keep being comfortable staying in his room until it’s time to come downstairs.

For bed, people are always surprised how fast he goes down to sleep. We think it’s because we’ve made his room a calm, happy space where he enjoys spending time. It’s not punishment. We can put him to bed in ten minutes or less and we’ve kept the same routine his entire life. He either tells us he’s ready to go to bed by heading for the stairs, or we start to notice he’s sleepy and walk him up. We get changed, get into bed, read the same three stories we’ve always read and chat for a few minutes. We say goodnight and then promptly leave.

Example Schedule:

30 min - 1 hour 30 min (depending on wake up time) Wake up- breakfast- play for a few minutes and get ready for a walk

1 hour 15 minutes Walk to the park as a family, Play at the park for 30 minutes- an hour, Go on a longer walk home, having a snack and a beverage in the stroller

15 minutes Transition time- snack, play, gather what’s needed for office time

1 hour Playpen for an hour, Mom and Dad to home office

30 minutes Transition time-snack, play, get ready for nap

2-3 hours Nap for 2 hours or however long

30 minutes Transition time- lunch, play, gather next batch of things for office time

1 hour Playpen for an hour, Mom and Dad to home office

1 hour Screen time- he’s running around while a show is playing. He’s not confined.

1 hour Walk

1 hour Outdoor garden/yard playtime- in summer we’ll use a pool or sprinkler

30 minutes Dinner & Bath

15 minutes Bedtime

But what about weekends, you say? Same thing. So yes, we work on the weekends too. But it’s not to say you have to be doing work work. Just keep the same format of a day and use those blocks for other things (yard work, calling a friend in another room, etc).

If we have a meeting out and about or are going somewhere, we know we have a block of time before nap or after nap where we can fit it in. So by default, that’s when we schedule things involving other people (unless only one of us is needed).

Outdoor time:

Since he was a few months old, we’ve done daily walks twice a day as long as the weather is safe. We go out in the rain. We go out if it’s above 32 F. We don’t go out if it’s icy or too windy, or there’s a storm. But other than that, we try to do walks twice a day. We go to the park for active play and spend time playing in the yard at home. Being outdoors is good for their immune system, circadian rhythm, and most kids find it calming to be in nature (sometimes it takes practice). As adults, Chris and I both feel the amount of time we spent outdoors in early childhood was beneficial for being willing to get down and dirty to get something done.

The other benefit to daily walks and going to the park is people in the neighborhood get to know him which means more sets of eyes keeping him safe in the future.

We do not use our phones during this time unless we’re taking photos of him. This teaches him to enjoy the moment, not be screen obsessed, and it keeps us focused on QUALITY time with him (quality vs quantity always). During summer, we go to the park first thing so it’s nice and cool but there are also no distractions (too many other kids). This allows us to let him do ‘riskier’ trial and error behaviors like climbing and using the equipment safely. He uses his big muscles to climb and jump and run and to be honest, just like a dog, it tires him out and that means he behaves better.

2 Hours of Self Play in a playpen:

I didn’t realize it until I started reading other parent complaints, but this is apparently a big deal. The boy plays for an hour at a time in his playpen by himself. Twice a day. We think he enjoys it because being ‘contained’ helps him focus on having fun with his toys rather than the ability to run around the house freely testing EVERYTHING.

Did he enjoy it at first? No. But we knew it was a learning process, and eventually it became part of ‘what we do’ and he got on board. We keep him interested by rotating out his toys once a week when he goes to sleep. To start that process, I took all of his toys and grouped them by purpose (stacking, plush, noise making, cars, puzzle, etc) then divided them evenly into a few sets. Each set has a toy of each purpose. I also rotate out his books and a bigger stuffed animal friend he can use as a pillow. He gets so excited to see something “new” so he loves to hang out in there.

This system also allows us to see little developmental changes. If one week he can’t do something, the next time that toy set comes back, often times he can! Studies show rotating toys correlates to longer periods of kids playing by themselves, feeling less overwhelmed, and boosting creativity. Danish culture believes free play makes happier, better adjusted, and more resilient adults. As a generalization, Americans typically over-program their kid’s schedules and don’t give them free play time.

How can I trust everything is okay while he’s in the playpen by himself? I use a camera that syncs to my phone. That means if we hear something while we’re in the office, we just check the camera rather than interrupting his play. So why is he in a separate room? He wants to be involved with what we’re doing. Throughout the rest of the day, he actively participates in our activities like vacuuming, making coffee, designing things with Chris, etc. This playpen gives him dedicated space for time for himself.

While there are many playpens or play yards, or whatever you want to call them, we picked a wood playpen with different configurations, and a mat to go under it in colors that matched the room. We try to avoid plastic and anything that’s large, we keep in neutral, muted tones to not overwhelm the space. To keep his play area tidy, he has two small baskets that hold his toys. Every time after a play session, he learns to help tidy up by putting everything back in the baskets (it’s so fast and it looks so clean since all of the crazy colored things are hidden).

Find Media that doesn’t drive you crazy:

We have a block of time in the afternoon where he can watch a show. We picked the time of day where he can be starting to get a little tired (and us…we get tired too) and before he has his last bit of outdoor time before bed. I always hear parents complain about how annoying shows are (Cocomelon), but here’s the thing... You’re the one picking the programming so don’t introduce a show you hate! That’s on you.

We like (on Netflix) Waffles and Mochi, Puffin Rock, and Storybots with a dash of Old Enough. We started with Puffin Rock which is the equivalent of Bob Ross relaxation with European dialect puffins. It’s more like an illustrated book come to life- narration, calming graphics, slow speech and moving. It’s not ‘too much’ stimulation like most kids shows. It’s gentle and soothing. After Puffin Rock we added Waffles and Mochi into the rotation, which we like because it’s mostly live people with a few puppets and short animated segments. Storybots is a little crazier, but completely educational (they answer kid questions about how things work and go explore in the world). Old Enough is exactly the show you think it is: a Japanese tv show where they send little kids into the world to do errands and tasks and follow them with a camera. First of all, it’s great for kid brains to hear other languages (it improves empathy and improves brain development), but it’s also great modeling to show abilities! And…we like it too.

While technically the ‘screen time’ start recommendation is 18 months, we started him a few months after he turned one. He’s just fine. Chris watched copious amounts of tv growing up as the youngest child (MTV in elementary school), and we like to think he’s a functional adult. I’m not worried.

He also understands there’s a ritual to this relaxation time, so he goes and gets a blanket and pillow for lounging on the floor while he watches. Once that time block is up, there’s more fun to do (walks/yard play), so it’s not a huge power struggle.

Beyond screen time, we also use a Storypod in his playpen. It’s basically a cylindrical-ish speaker with a flat top where you place ‘characters’ that correlate to different stories/songs. Once the character is placed on top, the audio transfers to that content so he can listen to any story or music he wants. Is the voice acting great? No way, but he loves it.

While I don’t consider this last recommendation ‘media’, it’s an important tool in our ‘entertainment’ kit: The Quiet Book. We have an animal themed quiet book and a garden themed quiet book and they are THE BEST toys. These soft, felt books have various fasteners and interactive parts on each page. They come with a sewn in back pocket so when you need to go (if you’re bringing the book on a trip) you can shove the pieces in there and put it back together another time.

snacks and a beverage:

Bring snacks and bring more than you need. If you’re ever stuck in traffic or running late, or your kid is just going through a growth spurt, when they’re hungry they’re hungry. I always try to have a fast snack or food option at home too.

As a dietitian, I know you want to know how we’re feeding the kid. I get it. I hate to break it to you, but our system is very simple. There’s no big secret.

He eats what we eat, when possible, cut into appropriately sized shapes/sizes. The Solid Starts app was really helpful for this at first. His favorite foods are basically any meat with a sauce that includes fish sauce, ginger, and sriracha as a base. He doesn’t hate any food, but picks around cucumbers. Pickles, he loves.

I try to keep it balanced, but I’m not stressed if all of a sudden he doesn’t like to eat what he normally does that day. Just because he refused spinach today, it doesn’t mean he’s being picky. I just move on and try again later. And to that end, if he is really loving banana, or Cheerios another day, I just let him have it. My assumption is there’s a reason his body is asking for it (Cheerios always after the park- he’s probably needing to replace energy stores).

Some days he eats way more than I’m expecting, some days he eats way less. I never worry. It’s his body regulating and just like you or me, his appetite changes.

You can read in way more detail my philosophy and tactics in this post on simplified nutritious feeding for kids.

For eating, he sits in a booster seat at the dining room table with a plate that suctions onto the table, and a two-handled sippy cup. He knows to push his plate away when he’s done, and to hold his cup up when he needs more. We go through a ‘I’m done’ ritual after he pushes the plate away of wiping hands, mouth, and the table and he does it without asking.

Know when to leave:

Now that COVID is…not gone, but it’s however you want to describe it…we’re going out more and socializing with him now that he has a better immune system past the one year old mark. We’ve learned it’s always better to leave early than push it and leave when he’s tired and in need of down time. He tells us he’s ready to leave by walking to the door we came in and waving. So we go. It’s unfair to him to put him in a position where he’s too tired and expected to ‘behave’. If possible, we only book socializing during two specific windows of time we know it can work with his schedule with the understanding that time can’t exceed the window.

With that said, know the cues of your kid getting sleepy or needing downtime and leave before it gets ‘bad’. For the boy, we know it’s when he starts to make physical mistakes (trips over something, runs into things, drops things).

We go in with an attitude of ‘always leave them wanting more’. We’d rather leave with people wanting to spend more time with him than feeling like we overstayed our welcome. And we’re also realistic in that people without kids have a much lower threshold for children. Give them space.

If you want things to run as smoothly as possible, the bottom line is you can’t do everything you personally want to do. So you have to make a choice. You can either do what your priorities and desires are and deal with the repercussions of trying to force a toddler to stay up later than they can, or you can work around the current constraints.

It is 100% on you if you decide you want to go out to dinner at 7 PM on a Saturday with no reservations, have to wait 30 minutes, and by the time you get drinks your kid is having a meltdown. You know your kid and if you know bedtime is 6:30, why are you in the belief that because you have something you want to do, they’ll all of a sudden be able to follow this plan? You cannot be mad.

We have also learned he needs time to decompress once we’re home after being out (just like us). We need to leave a 15-30 minute buffer period for him to chill before he goes to bed or we move onto the next thing.

Schedules = flexibility

I know some people balk at the concept of a schedule with a toddler thinking it’s rigid. My response is that if I can regulate a large portion of things within my control, it’s easy to go with the flow for things out of my control. That means less stress.

Do we have a meeting that needs to be moved? No problem, I know the next block of time we can take that meeting. Does one of us need a long stretch to think through a project that popped up? Easy: I know when I can make that happen in the day.

I can’t imagine not having a rough plan for each day. It would be impossible for us to be doing the work we do with the boy at home without this system.

Our schedule blends just the right about of time where he has choice of free play, we have time we are entirely focused on playing with him, he gets to be part of the ‘team’ and do projects and chores, and it feels balanced-ish.

Toddler attitude and emotional growth tools

As your kid goes from infant to toddler, they’ll have more personal preferences (demands) and opinions. This is totally normal and they are doing their job as they learn how to be a functional human. Here are a few things we’ve found helpful to remember:

1. Acknowledge their feelings and get back to baseline. Feelings are completely normal and they need to learn how to regulate them and experience them. If they’re throwing a fit, they’re not listening to any of your logic until you get them back to their ‘emotional baseline’. Be there with them, state the emotion they’re feeling and why (or at least your perception), and reiterate you understand why they feel that way but why it can’t happen. For example “You’re so mad we aren’t leaving for the park right now. You really want to go play this second! We will go to the park after everyone is finished eating breakfast. Can you go get your ball for the park so we can leave sooner?”. How much better would you feel with that explanation rather than only being told “Stop crying. If you keep crying we won’t go to the park”. Toddlers have little logic (if I’m being generous), so don’t use it as a standard against them.

2. Say yes to as many things as you can. Save no’s for the important stuff. I couldn’t care less if the boy wants to get into his pool with clothes on or pick up dirt, or get up and down off the couch seven times, or not want to put on shorts after waking up. WHO CARES? These are easy things for me to say yes to. I’ll save my ‘no’s for if it’s a dangerous situation or goes against a family rule (waiting for a parent on the stairs, being nice to the cats). In the future, for asks like “Can we get ice cream?”, my plan is a “Yes! Let’s get ice cream tomorrow, it’s not part of the plan today. What kind are you going to get?”. It’s like improv rules: always say “Yes, and…”

3. Be their biggest fan, especially to other people. I do not understand the trend of people complaining about their kids to other people and on social media. Stop posting videos of your kid having a meltdown. Even if your kid is being ridiculously moody or annoying, everyone has bad days and if you constantly talk about momentary things like that to others, it’s all they’ll remember about your kid. And that’s just not fair to them. Don’t paint them in a bad light to others who aren’t part of your close-knit team and put them at a disadvantage.

Systems are tools to be edited

As your toddler ages and naps change and abilities change, you’re going to need to tweak the schedule. If the system just hasn’t been working for a few weeks or it’s harder than it should be, it’s time to pivot. Maybe it’s swapping time blocks. Maybe it’s adding two shorter playpen times instead of one longer one in the afternoon. Analyze where it starts to get hard and change it.

I know the next step in our schedule is to create ‘activities’ (Busy Toddler on Instagram has amazing ideas), but thankfully, the attention span isn’t there yet and we haven’t had time to produce any activity kits. It’s on the to do list.

Every kid is different, but there’s always a way to make it easier.

Good luck. We all need it.